I have been reading with interest stories in the national newspapers about the forthcoming ITV programme Malcolm And Barbara: Love's Farewell, which has been following the couple over the last decade as they cope with Malcolm's Alzheimer's. Initially the stories were about the fact we were going to see Malcom on his death bed. I was really moved by the reports, especially as they explained Barbara's devotion to her husband, but I was never interested in seeing his death. You see my nan has Alzheimer's so I know what a cruel disease it is. It robs not only the sufferer of their dignity and their life it also robs the family of their loved one. Someone who I admired and always enjoyed visiting very quickly declined into someone who I was afraid to visit incase she shouted at me or was told me to go away. It took quite a few years for me to come to terms with this and realise that my nan actually left us in 2000 and the person who I still call nan today is a different person who still needs us to love and care for her, but isn't able to do the same in return.
I always try to remember my nan as the person I spent summer holidays visiting, who took me to the park to feed the ducks, who took me swimming with my cousin and who cooked the best family roast dinners I have ever had. That was nan, not this poor frail shell that is left.
She doesn't have a life anymore, it is an existence and one that we don't know how long will continue as she appears to be in pretty good health physically. My great aunt was also affected by Alzheimer's and my nan helped to look after her. She used to say "put a pillow over my face if I get like that". But obviously you can't, it's still your nan, you still love her.
I haven't decided if I will watch next week's programme, I have a feeling it might be too upsetting and why watch what you are already living. I think ITV were wrong to mislead people into thinking the documentary shows Malcolm's death. Did they really need to sensationalise such a sensitive subject? The fact someone has documented this couple's life for over ten years and films into his final days is surely enough to capture people's attention.
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